Starbucks is the Devil
You know that the sale of themos bottles has been lackluster and since they've not been able to cash in on that end of the coffee-to-work smuggling operation, they have found a way to end it. Hindsight is 20/20, but you would think that we might have figured it out sooner that Starbucks is the real force behind international terrorism, financing the whole thing out of customer drug addiction.
Too bad international terrorism isn't funny. This could have been a good monologue.